Chapter 2: Deadly Vortex Naruto
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and Viz. Deadpool belongs to Marvel Comics, Marvel Studios, and 20th Century Fox. I make no monetary or other material profit from this story whatsoever.
Authors note: The reviews Ive gotten from you so far are very rewarding in their enthusiasm for this story. As many of you demanded, this is an update, and it will show you just how Naruto deals with his graduation exam . . . and his classmates, particularly a cute shy blue-haired girl named Hinata. All I can say is . . . hang on for the ride!
The two ninja guarding the gate to Konoha were bored, bored out of their skulls. Hardly anybody was showing up, and the few that did show werent very interesting . . . until this bunch. There were six in total, three women, two men, and a boy.
The women were quite beautiful in their own ways. One was blonde with her hair tied in two tails and an unbelievably large bust almost spilling out of her gray gi. The second was a more understated brunette beauty in a humble dark purplish-gray kimono. The third was a redhead wearing a strange cape-like garment over a black blouse, corset, and pants.
One of the men had long wild white hair and red tribal-looking marks below his eyes, his outfit a red vest over grayish-beige clothes. The other man wore a largely red costume with black accents along the shoulders and sides, while a red mask with black patches around the eyes concealed his face. Straps adorned his costume to hold his weapons, which included twin katana and a pair of strange weapons that almost resembled boomerangs, but thicker and with some kind of trigger in the crook.
The boy with them was dressed very similarly to the costumed man, except there was more black in his costume, namely his pants, the sides and shoulders, and the cuffs of his gloves. He wore a mask similar to that of the costumed man, except also with more black. Specifically, the black patches over his eyes nearly took up the entire face in a kind of Y shape and there was a hole in the top to expose a messy mop of blond hair. A specific difference between them was that the boy was wearing a jacket with strangely designed disks lining the sleeves and he had a belt of kunai strapped to his thigh.
Halt! one of the guard ninja shouted.
All six showed their passports to the ninja. Oh! one of the ninja exclaimed with recognition. Jiraiya-sama, Tsunade-sama, were sorry we didnt recognize you.
No harm done, Jiraiya answered. Would you like to let us through? We have to see Lord Hokage.
Yes, of course, the other ninja responded.
Soon enough, the six of them Jiraiya and Tsunade of the Sannin, Shizune, Naruto Uzumaki, Wade Wilson, and Theresa Cassidy were walking into the Hidden Leaf Village.
Been a long time, Jiraiya remarked, looking at the sights.
Yeah, I never thought Id see this place again, Tsunade added.
Mind if we get something to eat? Im hungry, Deadpool (Wade) whined.
Youre always hungry, Siryn (Theresa) commented snidely.
Babe, you might be able to afford to starve yourself, but I cant! I gotta keep my strength up for the next fight! Deadpool exclaimed.
And who says I starve myself? Siryn asked.
Deadpool giggled almost insanely. Just kidding. Seriously, thank God youre not like those girls who vomit up everything they eat. I like not seeing good food go to waste.
There should be a ramen stand somewhere near here, Naruto remarked.
You and your ramen, kid, Deadpool commented, ruffling the blond hair sticking out of Narutos mask.
Ramens the food of the gods! I dont care what you say! Naruto retorted.
Chill, my good man, Deadpool replied. You can have your ramen. Heh, everyones got some kind of favorite food. Like that green-haired immortal girl with the banging ass, she really likes pizza. Huh, might explain why her ass is so big . . . not that Im complaining . . .
Siryn, Tsunade, and Shizune all smacked him upside the head.
Ow, damn! Im just saying! Sheesh, cant a guy get a break?
When that guys you, no, Tsunade replied. Be grateful were in public.
Typical abusive girlfriend; doesnt want everyone knowing she beats the crap out of me on a daily basis, Deadpool grumbled.
I thought you liked it when I beat you up.
An insane giggle followed. Whatever.
The six of them were drawing stares from the people they passed, two because they were part of the Sannin, one because she was foreign, and two because they were dressed quite strangely. When Deadpool caught them staring, he turned to one, drew his gun, and pointed the business end out.
The frick yall looking at?
Nobody wanted to challenge the strangely costumed man pointing a strange weapon that looked as though it could do something very nasty to them should it be used. Then Siryn chopped the arm holding that weapon, causing Deadpool to literally shoot himself in the foot. The noise, though, caused everyone not accustomed to it which was everyone in the area that was a resident to recoil quite visibly.
Well, crap, that hurt, he uttered.
What kind of jutsu was that?! one of the villagers asked.
Its the Bang-Bang-You-Go-Dead no Jutsu! Deadpool shouted. Remember it!
Wade . . . Siryn growled warningly.
Uh, sorry about pointing this gun at you! Deadpool shouted at the villagers.
There was all manner of whispering going on, most of it of the What kind of man is he? variety. Deadpool, for his part, just pulled the bullet out of his foot, greatly facilitating his bodys accelerated healing response, and continued walking, with the others looking at him rather perplexedly.
Except for Naruto, of course, who was asking Deadpool, When do I get my own guns? I wanna do Bang-Bang-You-Go-Dead no Jutsu!
Kid, youll get your own guns once you become a Chunin, Deadpool replied. Till then, you stick with the swords and the kunai and the disks. But dont worry . . . the disks can do even more damage than a gun sometimes. Kind of like Boom-Boom-All-You-Assholes-Go-Dead no Jutsu!
Tsunade palmed her face. This man is insane.
You did your best, Tsunade, Jiraiya comforted her. Even your medical techniques can only go so far with someone like that.
Well, at least we can bear to look at him without his mask now, Tsunade observed.
Uh, yeah . . . Shizune murmured.
Shizune! Tsunade exclaimed. Dont tell me youre starting to get the hots for that nut!
Shizunes face turned red with embarrassment, which Deadpool spotted. He sidled up to Naruto so he could whisper in his ear. Hey, kid, what do you think the chances are of Theresa agreeing to let me invite Shizune for a three-way?
About the chances of me getting my own harem, Naruto replied dryly.
So really, really good, then! Deadpool concluded.
And how the hell did you conclude that?
Simple! All the time when some mysterious new badass shows up in town, all the ladies grow weak in the knees for him and theyre always willing to do anything to get him, even share him!
You read way too much Make-Out Paradise, Naruto grumbled.
Hey, your parents named you after a guy in those books, Deadpool said. They were hoping youd be just as badass as that guy, and thanks to me . . . youre well on your way.
They eventually made it to Hokage Tower, where they were ushered in and escorted to see Sarutobi. Normally, someone would greet the Hokage by knocking on the door politely. Deadpools greeting was kicking down the door and performing an unnecessary combat roll that ended with him pointing both guns at Sarutobis head.
Wassup, old man?!
And just what the hell do you think youre doing? Sarutobi asked irritably.
Cmon, old man, arent you happy to see me? Deadpool asked.
Put those damned unsightly things away, and then well talk.
Sure, sure. He put away his guns. Gimme a hug!
Youre mean, old man! Just mean!
Quit acting like a baby, Wade, Siryn grumbled. You are the one who kicked down his door and pointed a pair of guns at his head.
Thats how I greet everyone, babe! Deadpool answered.
Yeah . . . Siryn drawled disbelievingly.
Sarutobi looked over at the mini-Deadpool, who was actually Naruto. Naruto? Is that you?
Naruto pulled down the mask so that it was more like a folded turtleneck collar, revealing his face. Yeah! Its me, Hokage-jiji! How are you?
Its good to see you again, Naruto, Sarutobi answered.
What, no greetings for your old students? Jiraiya asked in mock hurt.
Always a greeting for you, Jiraiya, Sarutobi replied. You as well, Tsunade. How have you been?
Its been an adventure and a half raising this kid, Tsunade responded. Hes a good boy, not for lack of trying on Jiraiyas and Wades parts.
But you love us, anyway, right, Sugar Steel Deadpool started to say, only to be cut off by a punch to his face. And after all the hard work you put into fixing up my mug, youre just gonna wreck it yourself?
Youll live, Tsunade retorted.
I never did get to see behind your mask, Sarutobi observed.
Well, youre still not going to; Ive got a rep to protect! Deadpool declared.
What rep? Tsunade asked.
Just then, several ANBU burst in, including one with long purple hair, all of whom had their swords out and pointed at Deadpool. What are you doing here? the purple-haired one asked.
Oh, nothing, Deadpool answered. Just hanging with Old Man Hokage here. He looks pretty good for his age, but not nearly as good as Bea Arthur!
The ANBU looked at Deadpool with confusion conveniently hidden by their animal masks. Deadpool just laughed wildly and pointed his guns at two of the ANBU.
All right. Lets do a little experiment. Are your ninjutsu faster than my bullets?
Just as one of the ANBU began to quickly perform hand seals, Deadpool punched him in his masked face. Too slow, bitch! Flipping into the air to avoid another ANBUs sword, Deadpool switched out his guns for his katana and slapped the ANBUs sword arm with the hilt of one of the katana. Just then, he crossed swords with the purple-haired ANBU.
Cool! Havent had a sword fight with a purple-haired ninja babe since Psylocke!
Just what is wrong with you? the purple-haired ANBU asked.
Nothing! I am what I am, and what I am is awesome!
Tsunade groaned in irritation and lunged at Deadpool, leaping into the air and coming down with a chakra-charged heel drop that brutally dislocated his shoulder, halting the fight.
Sarutobi looked at the ANBU. It is all right. Deadpool is not here to harm anyone. He simply has very perverse ideas of what fun constitutes.
What is he here for? the purple-haired ANBU asked.
Hes here so that his son by adoption, Naruto Uzumaki, can take the graduation exam, Sarutobi replied.
The purple-haired ANBU looked at the red-and-black-clad Naruto. Thats Uzumaki?
Yeah, Naruto replied, smiling impishly at her. Call me Shirasen, though. I dont want anybody knowing who I am until Im ready for it, and Ive got a graduation exam to take. See ya! In a flash, he was gone.
Body flicker? Sarutobi asked.
Not quite, Jiraiya replied. Its a long story, but Ill try to be brief. . . .
Meanwhile, Naruto had dashed into the Ninja Academy, arriving just as a brown-haired chunin with a scar across the bridge of his nose was about to introduce him.
Today . . . well be having a student over for the graduation exam whos been receiving directed training privately, the chunin, Iruka Umino, was explaining. His name is . . .
Shirasen, Naruto cut in, having pulled his mask back up between leaving Hokage Tower and entering the academy. Thats it.
All right, Shirasen, take any available seat, Iruka suggested.
Sure, Shirasen answered, looking out at the assembled students. Eight of them were of particular interest to him, three girls and five boys. One of the girls had long pale blond hair tied in a ponytail and wore a skimpy purple outfit with bandages wrapped around her body underneath it. Another girl had long pink hair, a wide forehead, and wore a red dress. The third girl had dark blue hair, extremely pale purple eyes (almost white), and was dressed in a thick beige coat.
Two of the five boys were sitting next to each other, one with black hair in a upraised tail that vaguely resembled a pineapple and lying back in his chair. The other was quite large, eagerly chomping on potato chips, and had brown hair that stuck out in a way that reminded Naruto of Beast or Wolverine of the X-Men.
Another two of the five boys were sitting next to each other as well, although not quite as distracted as the first pair seemed to be. One of the boys wore a gray coat with the collar upturned to conceal the lower half of his face, while his eyes were concealed with round-framed sunglasses. The other boy wore a gray jacket with a black-furred hood over his head and bore fang-like red tattoos on his cheeks, while a small white puppy sat on his head.
The last of the five boys wore a blue shirt, had black hair that was styled almost like a ducks tail, and had an expression that seemed to be somewhere between boredom and quiet rage.
That guy . . . Im gonna have to keep an eye on him.
As he was contemplating this, he was also walking up to find his seat. When he spotted the blue-haired girl, he smiled mischievously beneath his mask and plopped down next to her. Hey there.
Umm . . . hi . . . the girl whispered.
Whats your name, cutie?
Hi . . . Hina . . . Hinata . . .
Shirasen grinned widely underneath his mask. Someone so cute shouldnt be so shy.
Just then, Iruka interrupted with the announcement of the written part of the exam. As the papers were distributed, Shirasen just yawned. When do we get to the good part?
Once youve finished this part, a silver-haired chunin named Mizuki replied.
Gotta do what I gotta do, Shirasen murmured, picking up his pencil and answering each question to the best of his ability.
Mercifully, the written part of the exam eventually ended, segueing into the demonstrative parts of the exam. Weapons accuracy, taijutsu ability, and expertise with basic ninjutsu such as Transformation, Substitution, and Clone were all tested.
Shirasen decided to show off on the first part by taking all three of the silver kunai on his thigh belt and throwing them at the target at once. The three kunai hit the center of the target in such a way that they could have formed a crooked triangle. In taijutsu, each student had to take on Mizuki and last at least three minutes. Shirasen lasted for six minutes, mainly by constantly shouting insanities like Dodge, bitch! and Ooh ah, ah, ah, ah! Get down with the funk! and Im in yo academy, owning yo ass! while jumping around like a meth-addicted rabbit.
Will you stop that?! Mizuki yelled, getting fed up.
No. Now stop trying to hit me and actually hit me, damn it! Hit me, hit me, hit me!
Oh, my God . . . hes completely insane . . . the pineapple-headed boy, Shikamaru Nara groaned. What a drag . . .
Iruka finally ended the match, just as Mizuki was about to just screw the rules and make an actual attempt on Shirasens life . . . or Shirasen was about to just flip out and do something that would probably live on forever in the nightmares of everyone watching.
You lucky, bitch, Shirasen taunted Mizuki. You frigging lucky!
You maniac . . . Mizuki growled. Who are you?
You know who I am . . . your friendly neighborhood Shirasen!
They moved on to ninjutsu, with the students demonstrating their proficiency or lack thereof in Transformation, Substitution, and Clone Techniques. When Shirasens turn came, he decided to show off a bit.
Heres an original for your punk asses! Came up with this myself! With a snap of his fingers and a giant puff of smoke, Shirasen was gone . . . replaced by an incredibly sexy naked woman with a mask covering the lower half of her face and wisps of smoke covering her naughty bits.
All the boys gaped at her, while the blonde and pink-haired girls just scowled discontentedly. It didnt help matters much that she winked at them . . . and even began feeling herself up just to tease them.
What the hell?! Iruka yelled, just as Shirasen reverted to his true gender. What kind of stupid trick is that?!
My Sexy Technique! Shirasen replied. Aint it cool? Imagine the ways you could distract the enemy with it!
You have to admit . . . it is a perfect replication of the female form, Mizuki grumbled.
When demonstrating the Substitution Technique, Shirasen picked up a chalk eraser and threw it at the brooding black-haired boy . . . only to switch places with the chalk eraser just as said boy grabbed him by the arm. Whats up?
The brooding boy in blue just glared at Shirasen, who shrugged and returned to his original position in a burst of almost undetectable speed. And now . . . well, you wanna see my clones?
Yes, Iruka replied.
Shirasen punched the wall and generated three clones. Those clones punched the wall, creating three more clones from each of them. Bakers dozen, all 13 Shirasens commented. One tilted his head to look at the blonde (Ino Yamanaka), the pink-haired girl (Sakura Haruno), and the blue-haired girl (Hinata Hyuga), along with the other female students. More than enough of me for all of you!
Sakura huffed. Who does that maniac think he is?!
What kind of Clone Technique is that? Iruka asked.
The short version is, I absorb kinetic energy from forceful physical contact, mix it with my chakra, and splinter it into a clone of myself. Depending on how hard Im hit or how hard I hit, I can make several clones at once.
Interesting . . . Mizuki murmured.
So do I pass? Shirasen asked.
Yeah, Iruka admitted.
After everyone had taken the bands that marked them as shinobi of the Leaf, Iruka instructed them to return tomorrow to be assigned their teams and jonin-sensei. As they were leaving, Iruka called back Shirasen.
You wanted to talk to me? the masked boy asked.
Yeah, Iruka replied. Where did you learn to fight like that? Ive never seen a style so chaotic . . . and yet so effective.
Its not that hard, Shirasen answered. I just piss people off until they cant think straight and thus become incredibly easy to beat.
You mind meeting me at the ramen stand tonight? My treat.
Why so nice to me? You arent gonna molest me, are you? Cause Id have to kick your ass if you tried that.
Iruka looked aghast. No! I just want to get to know you better.
Sure. Whatever. Ill see you there.
Thanks, Shirasen . . . and why do you insist on being called that?
It suits me, was Shirasens simple answer.
Later that night, Shirasen was on his way to meet up with Iruka when he spotted Mizuki. Hey. You. What do you want?
I have a special test for you, Mizuki replied.
Whats that? Shirasen asked.
Break into Hokage Tower and retrieve the Forbidden Scroll, Mizuki answered.
And why would I do something like that?
Its a special test to prove whether you really have what it takes to be a shinobi. It isnt just about fighting and ninjutsu; avoiding detection when on a mission is very important, too. Or dont you have what it takes?
Screw you, that scrolls as good as mine.
Good. Meet me in the Forest of Death after youve retrieved the scroll. Ill be waiting for you.
Whatever, Shirasen grumbled, setting about on his mission. He had no idea why Mizuki wanted him to swipe the Forbidden Scroll, but if it was some kind of training thing, fine. Hed return it when he was done, anyway . . . but hed also drop a dime in case Mizuki wasnt telling him the whole story.
Using timed bursts of super-speed, Shirasen evaded the guards in Hokage Tower and slipped into the scroll room. He looked around for the seal that would mark the Forbidden Scroll, and when he found it, he whistled lowly. Pretty big scroll. Must have lots of goodies in there.
He picked up the scroll, mounted it on his back, and zipped out in another timed burst of super-speed. He had left a note for the Hokage, however, saying, Mizukis idea. Says itll help measure my stealth and infiltration abilities. Not sure hes on the up and up. Meeting him in the Forest of Death. Bring reinforcements.
Sarutobi picked up the note, and scowled after reading it. He knew what he had to do now, and just the perfect people to call.
When Shirasen entered the Forest of Death, he shouted, Yo, Mizuki! I got the scroll!
Good, Mizuki answered, stepping out of the shadows. Now give it to me.
No, Naruto! Dont do it! they heard Iruka shout.
Shirasen and Mizuki turned to face Iruka. What do you care, Iruka? Come on, you want this as badly as I do!
No, I dont! Iruka answered. Naruto isnt the same as what he has sealed inside him!
Isnt the same as what? What are you talking about? Shirasen asked.
The reason this village hated you so much . . . why no one wanted anything to do with you . . . you are the monster that destroyed and ended so many lives in this village, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox in human visage! Mizuki declared furiously, as he hefted a large shuriken off his back and threw it at Shirasen. Now die, you damned demon!
Iruka lunged at Shirasen to hopefully protect him, but Shirasen had already dodged the large shuriken and was now in Mizukis face. Demon, am I? That it? Im some kind of monster reincarnated?
Youre not, Naruto! Youre not! Iruka insisted. The Fourth Hokage simply trapped it inside your body! You are the living prison of the Demon Fox, the first and last line of defense this village has against another rampage from that monster! Youre not the same as it!
And how do you know? Shirasen asked.
Because I feel . . . that were kindred spirits, Naruto, Iruka answered. I only wish I could have done more for you before you left the village.
What a laugh! Mizuki mocked. Just for that, I think Ill kill you along with him! Just as he was about to attack, Shirasen restrained him with a multitude of clones, all of which were brandishing kodachi very threateningly.
You go near Iruka . . . Im gonna cut you into pieces, Shirasen threatened, all humor and joviality gone from his voice.
At that moment, a small platoon of ANBU and jonin including the purple-haired ninja, a silver-haired man with his band tilted over his left eye, a bearded man who somewhat resembled Sarutobi, a bandana-wearing man brandishing a katana, and another purple-haired woman in a trench coat and fishnets arrived. Accompanying them were Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shizune, Deadpool, and Siryn, none of whom were looking all that happy.
Just like I said, Deadpool said. Crazy dont equal stupid!
Why did you want the Forbidden Scroll? the silver-haired man wearing his band like an eye-patch asked.
Not telling you that, Mizuki snarled.
Fine, Shirasen said. Epic beatdown time, bitch!
For the next five minutes, Shirasens clones played catch, using Mizuki as the ball and transferring him between each other with vicious hits that also created more clones to perpetuate the game. Once that was over with, the lead clone tossed Mizukis brutalized body to the woman in the trench coat and fishnets. All yours, Nets!
Thanks, kid, the woman, Anko Mitarashi, answered. Im gonna see to it that he gets the finest treatment while in custody. The sadistic leer on her face pretty much belied her seemingly charitable words.
Youre an interesting one, Naruto Uzumaki, the silver-haired jonin remarked. Maybe well see each other again.
Why does everyone keep using my real name? Shirasen asked.
Well, Deathspiral, Naruto is the name weve been using since we met you, Siryn remarked sarcastically. And its the name were going to keep using for you. So deal.
Shirasen chuckled resignedly. Yes, Theresa-mama.
End Notes: Well, there you go. Naruto has graduated from the Academy and is already making waves! How will his teammates react to him? How will he react to his teammates? Will he get anywhere with Hinata? Will Deadpool ever stop his antics, particularly where Tsunade, Siryn, and Yugao are concerned? Why are you even waiting around for me to answer all these silly questions? Get to the next chapter already!